No light
by CommanderHusky
Summary: "No light, no light in your bright blue eyes I never knew daylight could be so violent A revelation in the light of day You can't choose what stays and what fades away And I'd do anything to make you stay Tell me what you want me to say"
1. Chapter 1

"Huh... We shouldn't be doing this in here..." Butters stuttered a bit as he was pinned onto the stall's wall.

"Mmm... Come on... Nothing's gonna happen" Eric muffled a groan as he kissed the blond's neck "Let's do it Butters... Just a quick one..."

Butters was starting to pant heavily both from the fear and the deep arousal that the bigger boy knew how to awake in him effortlessly "No... Eric, please... I'll get grounded..."

"No one's gonna find out Butters..." Eric insisted and grabbed one of Butter's hands, leading it towards his groin and pressing it against his hardon "Look how you got me..." He squeezed Butter's hand around his hard member, making him moan a bit involuntarily.

The smaller boy gasped when he felt the hardness under Eric's pants and his own member twitched, staining his own boxers with precum. He was going to object again, but Eric dove once more onto his neck, this time suckling a bit at it "I know you want all of this inside you Butters... We just gotta be really quiet and it will be really quick..."

Butters managed to gather some strength to resist against the overwhelming pleasure he was feeling and half moaned "Ungh... We can do it later... At your house..."

"I don't want to wait until later" Eric kinda pouted a bit "I'm horny right now and I want you Butters..." Then, the larger boy pulled out a bit and looked at Butters "Maybe you don't want me? Is that it? You got tired of me already?"

Butters had welcomed the distance as it gave him some room to breathe and try to calm down a bit. But Eric's words pierced through him like cold knives. The blond boy stared at Eric for a moment, not able to articulate words, until the sorrow inside his heart became too big to hold it inside "NO! That's not it! How could I get bored of you!" Butters was breathing rapidly again but now it was because of how upset he was "Eric, I'm telling you the truth... I want you, I really do... I lo..."

The blond boy was interrupted by Eric's hand covering his mouth completely. The bigger boy was now looking at his friend with wide and troubled eyes and that made Butter's heart to break even further. Tears started to form in the blond boy's gray eyes and quickly landed in Eric's hand. The brunet looked at them and removed his hand, looking even more troubled now and definitely sad. Eric gulped and then sighed deeply "I... Fuck Butters... I didn't mean to do that... I was too into doing it with you and... Oh fuck, don't cry..." He leaned forward and wrapped one arm around Butters, holding his back, stopping barely short from hugging him. The blond boy quickly hugged him back tightly trying his best to contain his sobs. Eric pulled out from the embrace and looked at his friend's eyes "I'm..." He gulped and huffed "Let's just get out of here..." Grabbing Butter's hand, Eric led them both out of the stall. Luckily, the bathroom was empty as everyone was at the cafeteria. Just before going out, Eric squeezed Butter's hand gently and let it go "Go ahead and wait for me at the cafeteria. I'll go after you" He looked at the blond boy with somewhat apologetic eyes then "Just... Make sure no one sees you leave..."

Butters wiped the tears off his face and nodded, although his eyes clearly showed how sad and maybe even disappointed he felt.

During lunch Butters sat with Stan and the others but Eric, who went in just a few minutes later chose to sit with Clyde and Token, visibly trying to appear nonchalant under the surprised look from Clyde and the annoyed one of Token.

Butters frowned at that and pushed his plate away from him "Are you going to eat that?" A muffled voice asked beside him. Butters just shook his head without raising his eyes from the table and saw how the orange parka covered hand of Kenny grabbed his plate.

During class the blond couldn't concentrate at all, his heart was heavy with what had happened earlier. It hadn't been the first time, nor the tenth… Eric was known for being paranoid but when it came to them both and what they had been doing for a whole year already the brunet could be insanely cautious about anyone catching wind of it. And even when there was no one around, Butters always had to be cautious about his words. Some of them triggered a panicked reaction from Eric that cut whatever nice or heated moment they were having. Butters hated when that happened, not only because he really wanted to tell Eric everything he felt and hoped the fat brunet would reply in kind, but also because every time he had such a slip up, Eric would spend a couple of days apart from him, as if someone had caught them doing something wrong and he were under threat to not mess it up again.

And Butters really hated to spend time apart from Eric. In the latest years they had become really close, even more so than when they were kids. Butters had begun needing an excuse to be away from his increasingly toxic house and Eric had been pretty much ditched by his old friends who growing up had decided they wouldn't put up with his bullshit anymore. So they used to spend entire weeks together, at school and outside of it, holed in Eric's bedroom, basement or at some whacky place he dragged Butters to. That's how they started to be physically closer too. First it was sharing a bed because it was too cold for Butters to sleep on the floor. Then it had been leaning against each other while watching TV on the couch. Later it became spooning every night they spent together and holding hands while watching the stars at some remote part of the mountains. Until one night that they were about to sleep and Eric just moved over Butters and began to kiss him, removing his clothes and groping all over his chunky body. Obviously the blond hadn't protested, he had wanted that for years already and pretty soon they traded watching lame shows or talking for having sex two or even three times almost every day.

At first Butters was surprised and a bit overwhelmed by Eric's stamina and hunger. But it was so good and it meant that Eric wanted him too so he got used and they enjoyed that silent activity for a time. Although Butters started to become a bit bothered exactly at that lack of words between them when they had sex. Unless it were moaning or groans or commands from Eric for him to do this or touch him there, words were never uttered between them. They did spoke during the afterglow, when they were cuddling wherever they had decided to do it. At first it was just normal chatter, sometimes it could be deep and Eric opened up about some stuff but it wasn't often. Until Butters decided he wanted to talk about 'Them' and that's when the troubles began. The first time Butters called Eric his boyfriend the brunet kicked him out of the house and just after some minutes he threw the blond's clothes to him through the window.

Butters had never seen Eric so scared in his life and for a whole week Eric evaded him like the plague. Finally they got to talk again, or more like Eric shoving Butters into the brooms closet and fucking him senseless to then mutter a very low 'Sorry about the other day. But don't ever say that crap again'

After that Butters did tried to be more careful but still sometimes he got too excited or his heart felt so full of feelings towards Eric that he just couldn't help but blurting out something about them going on a date or wanting to hear Eric saying they were together. All of those times were met with the same fear in Eric's eyes and the same avoiding for a while, only to return some day later warning Butters against doing that. They weren't fags after all as Eric liked to put it, so there was no place to talk about mushy feelings.

When the bell signaled the end of class, Butters droned around the school, obviously not wanting to go back home but having nowhere else to go. He ended up at the back of the school, sitting on the stairs and finally breaking up in cry with his knees against his chest and his face buried in his arms.

His sobbing was quiet but the pressure of his grief was so big that the blond didn't hear anything around him until he felt something tapping at his shoulder. He was startled by that and quickly looked up, for a brief moment hoping that it would be Eric coming to apologize but he was met by the cobalt blue eyes of Stan that looked down on him with worry painted all over them "I saw how bad you were at lunch but never thought it would be so much to make you cry here"

Butters sniffled and wiped the tears off his face, trying to collect himself "It's nothing…"

"Bullshit" Stan rolled his eyes "What did he do to you now?"

Butters could see the concern and a bit of anger in the black haired boy. Eric's former friends knew of his 'special relationship' with the brunet since the first time Eric had one of his bouts of paranoia about it, when Kenny had found him walking up and down Eric's block, wailing in the middle of the night.

He had thanked them for not telling anything to Eric or anyone else about it but Butters still felt a bit apprehensive of them since they had abandoned Eric in a time that he seemed to need them a lot "The usual" Butters shrugged and looked away.

Stan sighed and patted on Butters' back "Come on, get up. We're going to my place"

The blond nodded meekly and followed Stan, at least he wouldn't be alone in the snowy night.

***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles.


	2. Chapter 2

The ride to Stan's house was spent in silence, only interrupted by an embarrassed apology from Stan after Butters scrunched his nose at the smell of the black haired boy's sweaty football equipment that travelled in the back seat. Butters politely nodded accepting the apology but that only made him think more of Eric in the end. The brunet was always so clean, to the point of taking even three or four showers in a day sometimes to not have any trace of sweat or anything else in his body. Butters supposed it was a consequence of having been called 'smelly fatass' for all his childhood even when Butters had never really found him smelly at all. But people just liked to relate those two things and always rip on Eric for it.

They walked upstairs into Stan's room where a surprised Kenny raised an eyebrow at seeing Butters there "Butters?" Then he rolled his eyes "I see… Dumped again?"

Butters just looked to the side while Kyle groaned from the bed where he was playing with a tennis ball he brought everywhere, Butters assumed it was to show everyone off that he played Tennis and not some plebian sport like the rest "Ugh Stan… What is the fatass' boytoy doing here?" The small blond glared at Kyle but didn't say anything. Of them all, Kyle was the most insufferable in both his and Eric's eyes.

Butters sometimes worried about too much of Eric rubbing off on him and those thoughts not being really his but belonging to the brunet. Kyle's comment though, confirmed Butters that Kyle had become a horrible person, at least in what Eric concerned.

"He's not a boytoy Kyle. Don't be such an ass" Stan sighed pinching the bridge of his nose "He's not doing well and just needs some company and somewhere to hang out for a while okay? It's not like he wouldn't do the same for any of us" Stan turned to Butters and smiled a bit to him "Sit down dude, want something to drink or anything?" The blond shook his head and sat on a chair he pulled close to the door.

"I don't get how you keep getting into this Butters" Kenny was resting his head on his hand and looked at the other boy "You know how Cartman is…"

"I don't get how he hasn't been crushed under that ton of fat he fucks everyday" Kyle scoffed "Unless fatass is the one on the bottom. Frankly, that would be so him. Repressed bitch…"

Butters glared at the redhead and got up to leave but Stan grabbed his shoulder and smiled "Don't listen to Kyle. He's just jealous you're at least getting to fuck someone while he's been dry for months" Kenny snickered and Stan dodged the ball Kyle threw at him. Butters just looked down and sat again. Stan sat on the bed and looked at Butters with a more serious look now "Kenny's right though… We've talked about this a million times dude, what's happening is not good for you"

"And what should I do? Not talk anymore to the guy I love?" Butters was frowning but more from grief than anger "Not touch him or be with him ever again? Risk seeing him going off with someone else?"

"Yes, exactly that" Kyle rolled his eyes. Stan frowned at him and Kyle raised his hands in an apologetic gesture "What? Cartman's not good for him and they both would be better off with someone else. Or at least it would give the fatass some big case of blue balls… Maybe if they're blue Butters could find those tiny globs amongst all that fat…"

Stan smacked Kyle's leg and Kenny snorted but patted Butters' shoulder "Kyle's not that wrong you know?"

"What do you mean?" Butters looked to the other blond to not have to see Kyle anymore.

"Give him an ultimatum or something" Stan added "I mean, it comes with its risks but otherwise I don't see Cartman stopping with this bullshit he's pulling on you"

"And if it makes him look for someone else?" Butters dreaded the idea of Eric getting tired of him and seeing the brunet with another person.

"Then you finally fucking snap some common sense inside you and stop going after that asshole" Kyle groaned from the bed "Stan, you said we were going to hang out and have fun today, not that we were going to be a support group for victims of domestic abuse"

Butters got up before Kenny or Stan could grab him again and opened the door forcefully, looking back and shooting daggers with his eyes to Kyle "Maybe Eric was right all along about you Kyle. You're just a bitch" The blond moved to leave but then turned his head around with a wicked grin on his face "And just so you know, they're huge. Both your puny balls wouldn't even be half the size of one of his. If you even have balls at all" With that Butters left the room and some pretty astounded guys in it.

The blond walked slowly towards his house. It was cold, damp and dark outside and he really didn't want to go there but he had no other choice. When he passed by Eric's house Butters stopped for a moment, seeing light up in Eric's bedroom and for a brief moment he thought of knocking at his door and apologize about what he had said in the bathroom that day. On the other side, he was getting quite tired of apologizing for his feelings. He had a lot of that already growing up under his parents' rule and getting the same crap from the guy he loved made Butters question if he loved Eric at all or if it was just desperation or some other horrible thing.

Those thoughts were the ones that hurt the most. Doubting something as pure and good as love was something awful for Butters. He always wanted to see the good in everything and he knew Eric had a lot of that inside him. But he didn't understand why it was so hard for the brunet to show it. He did it though. When they were cuddling up after sex Eric would always caress him with a tenderness that Butters never experienced from anyone else. He truly felt cared for in those moments. And when they went somewhere together and Eric did something small for him like sharing an ice cream or giving him his jacket if it was too cold Butters knew Eric did it because he cared about him. But all of that was always surrounded by grimaces and harsh words and calling Butters mean things all the time. That duality was driving Butters crazy.

***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles.


	3. Chapter 3

Some days went by and like always, Butters found himself being dragged by Eric one afternoon when school had ended. The blond had wanted to ask at least where they were going to but assumed they would end up in Eric's room as always, more specifically in his bed. But Eric drove past his house, past the lake and into the mountains and for a moment Butters felt afraid about something being really wrong. That something bad was going to happen.

Eric looked serious, completely concentrated on the road ahead and he wasn't showing his usual nervous grin from the expectation of having fun with Butters nor the usual tent in his pants from spending days without being with the blond.

They reached a forest behind the biggest mountain that Butters didn't know and Eric pulled off from the main road and drove some more minutes into the forest until he stopped beside a small creek. Without a word, Eric got out of the car and then got back in going into the backseat. Butters gulped and did the same from the other side, sitting on the edge of the seat not knowing if to feel glad that they were going to be together again or if he was going to be punished. Or killed. With Eric the only certain thing you could expect was a surprise.

Eric looked at the blond for a moment and slowly his face turned into a pained grimace before some tears escaped his eyes. Butters stared shocked how the larger teen sobbed quietly for a while before clearing his throat and wiped the tears off his eyes "These days without you have been a real shit Butters. I don't want this anymore. I… Fuck, your stupidity is going to make me say something really faggy but… Shit Butters, I missed you…"

All the tension inside Butters exploded in the form of a huge warmth that spread all across his chest and curved his lips into a big smile pretty much involuntarily. The blond moved closer to Eric and hugged him "I missed you too so much Eric… I hate it when we're apart"

Eric wrapped his arms around Butters as quickly and strongly as a bear trap "Then stop saying idiotic shit and just enjoy what we have"

"But Eric I really…" Butters looked up.

"You really want what? For me to ditch you here to die in the snow or eaten by wolves?" Eric frowned then and a knot formed into Butters' throat "Because that's what I'll do if you insist on talking shit instead of just having awesome sex as friends and nothing more. Because there is nothing more Butters. This is the last time I tell you this" The blond looked down and couldn't help but to cry a little bit at the words coming from the boy he loved more than anything else in the world. Eric held Butters tighter then and groaned exasperated "Aww fuck no… Just… Butters, stop crying… Dude, look at me"

Butters looked up and tried to wipe a tear off his face but Eric beat to it with his thumb and then kissed him softly. Again there was that tenderness that the brunet showed him sometimes and now it couldn't be just explained as some post coital bliss or something like that. If there was something that made their whole relationship even weirder was that despite all of Eric's harsh words and horrible actions, whenever Butters cried it seemed to break something inside the brunet and he did whatever he could to stop it, almost desperately, as if seeing Butters like that were the worst thing in the world to him.

And being so close to that huge warm body, with those strong arms around him and those plush and soft lips kissing him so softly Butters just couldn't feel bad even if he had wanted to. His anguish dissipated and gave way to an immense joy inside him. Butters returned the kiss a bit more hungrily, he had been starved for those lips too long and whatever shit he had gone through didn't matter to him now. Eric was like a drug that Butters knew could kill him but still he forgot all about the horrible side effects at the smallest contact with it.

Eric seemed to take on the cue and pulled Butters even closer to him, making the blond to straddle him and trading the soft kisses for a heated making out, his tongue parting Butters' lips with authority and exploring all around, making the smaller boy to release a loud moan into his mouth.

Butters was clinging to Eric's jacket and shuddered when he felt a big hand snaking its way into his pants and groping at his butt, a determined finger prodding into his crack until it circled his hole before pushing softly onto it. That made Butters to arch his back and cry out in pleasure. Eric took the chance then to attack the blond's neck, kissing and nibbling on it, using his other hand to move Butters' clothes so he could leave a hickey on his shoulder.

"Fuck Butters… You're burning up" Eric muttered huskily against the blond's neck "You want me right? Tell me how much you want this…"

Butters was trembling with desire and didn't even waited for Eric's command to shake off his jacket, sweater and t-shirt, leaving his torso exposed and looking at the brunet with hunger in his eyes "I need you Eric. I need you touching and kissing me. I need you fucking me raw and hard and making me yours. Fuck me now Eric, please" He half moaned the words while tracing his hands all over his own chest and small pudgy belly.

Eric was astounded by the display, usually Butters was way shyer and got flustered at everything "Shit Butters… I don't know what the fuck got into you but you'll get what you're asking for and more…" He smirked and moved Butters off him, yanking down the smaller boy's pants and underwear without even unbuttoning them.

Butters' cock jumped at that, splattering a bit of precum at the sudden movement. Eric looked at it almost with awe and Butters could see that this might be one of the rare occasions where Eric could actually suck him off. But what he needed was something more powerful. The blond had been surprised too at his own words but they were honest, lust had taken over him and he needed Eric in him immediately.

Butters unzipped Eric's pants and lowered the front as much as he could to free up the brunet's cock which was as hard and wet as his own. Eric raised his hips and lowered his pants to his ankles, sitting in a more reclined position so that Butters could get as much of his cock into him as he could.

They had done it in the car just a couple of times before but their arousal made them move with ease even in the cramped space. At least Butters was small enough for them to actually be able to have sex in there.

"Lube?" Butters asked as he caressed Eric's cock, playing with the head.

Eric hummed at the contact "Glove box" Butters turned around and leaned to the passenger seat in the front to get the lube, his ass was right in front of Eric who leaned forward too and parted the cheeks, licking directly at the hole, making Butters to whimper in pleasure. He let Eric eat him out for a moment and then reached back to lube all of the brunet's cock, then he applied some of it on his own ass and lined it with the tip of Eric's member, pushing himself back onto the bigger teen slowly, feeling that huge cock opening him and stretching his ass out in a glorious way.

They both grunted and moaned all the way until Butters was effectively sitting on Eric's cock. Butters leaned back onto Eric and the brunet wrapped his arms around him, caressing his torso, belly, thighs and cock as he suckled on the blond's neck.

Once Butters felt ready he began to move slightly onto Eric, who released him, letting the blond to lean forward and use the front seat as support to raise himself up and then lower his ass back onto Eric. His slow movements quickly turned into a fast bouncing that yanked a moan from Butters' throat with each time Eric's dick got buried in him, grazing against his prostate and making him clench himself around the brunet.

Eric just let Butters ride him for a while, clearly enjoying both the view and the delightful ass around him until he decided it was time to make Butters' desires to come true and pushed Butters to the front, making the blond to brace himself onto the seat and propping himself up, thrusting his hips onto Butters with savage moves that made the smaller boy cry out in ecstasy. Eric fucked Butters mercilessly, making the whole car to wiggle in its place and the front seat to sound like it was going to break at any moment. Despite having fucked him for a long time, Butters still was very tight around Eric and even if the brunet could be a guy who lasted a long time, Butters' ass always shorted that time by half at least. And this whole situation, with Butters offering himself like he had done and screaming his name with a passion that could eclipse the most vocal porn actress, Eric couldn't resist to give in to the pleasure and his insides soon were on fire, pushing towards his release into the blond boy. Eric held Butters tight and rammed himself hard into him as his orgasm hit him and Butters could feel that thick cock expanding inside his ass, shooting all of Eric's seed deep into him as the brunet roared Butters' name.

Eric kept moving inside Butters for a while, riding down his orgasm until he finally stopped, panting and wheezing a bit at the intensity of it all. Then he reclined again onto the seat, pulling Butters with him, making the smaller boy to sit on his lap still with his cock inside. Eric spread the blond's legs and reached around to jack Butters' off while nibbling and licking his ear. It took almost nothing for Butters to spill all his cum onto the front seat and the floor and once he was done Eric just held him there, resting against his chest, his arms wrapped around the blond almost protectively.

Everything around them was dark and silent. The only sound was that of their panting which slowly toned down as the two boys caught their breath. The windows of the car were completely covered in condensation and they could see a faint fog inside, produced by the heat of their passion.

"Wow… You were pretty slutty today dude" Eric scoffed.

Butters smiled and took Eric's hand in his, intertwining their fingers "I did needed this… A lot"

"I should leave you to get needy more often then" The brunet caressed Butters' thigh with his other hand.

"Please don't do that" The blond squeezed Eric's hand "I…" He sighed and looked down to their hands "I enjoy too much being with you… My best friend…"

There was silence again for a while until Eric caressed Butters' cheek and kissed his neck softly "We should get going back or your parents will get mad and we won't be able to do this again for a while"

"Can't I sleep with you tonight?" Butters asked hopeful.

Eric sighed and let go of Butters' hand "Tomorrow…"

Butters gulped and nodded feeling a bit defeated. He got up and off Eric. The brunet got out of the car still naked and went onto the front seat, taking some baby wipes from the glove box to clean himself up and handing the box to Butters who did the same. The blond then got dressed and went back to the front seat as Eric started the car for them to return to South Park.

***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles.


	4. Chapter 4

For almost two months everything went well for Butters and Eric. At least on the surface it was. The sex was good, even better than before sometimes. They had become a bit more vocal and Butters loved that Eric expressed his desire with words and that praised when the blond did something especially good. They went out more too and not just to some secluded place to have some outdoors sex but to hang out somewhere else than Eric's house. But Butters was feeling the wear of keeping his feelings to himself, especially during those great moments when they had spent a nice day together and were in each other's arms after a particularly good sex session. Those were the moments where feelings came bursting to Butters and he had to try really hard to not just blurt them out or ask Eric about his. A couple of times he even had to run to the bathroom and cry because the emotions were just too strong. The almost permanent smile Butters sported before was waning as the days passed, only being honest when he shared nice moments with Eric. The brunet on the other hand appeared to be happier. Not looking behind his shoulder all the time and being a bit more carefree about hanging out with Butters in public. Of course there was no PDA and Butters wasn't even thinking anymore about asking for some. Or anything from Eric in that aspect. Eric's words that night in his car stuck to Butters and he resigned himself to only be a friend with benefits to Eric.

The night after Butters' 17th birthday though, during the party they celebrated only for their classmates, he slipped up and told Eric that he wanted to be more than friends. That he wanted to be his and Eric to belong to him only. He was a bit wasted so the blond didn't cared about the consequences that much. The next morning he threw up from the panic of Eric's wrath once he would wake up. But when that happened and Butters tried to apologize for it Eric just shut him up with a kiss and a command to turn around and raise his ass up for a good morning fuck. Still for a couple of days Eric was a bit grumpy and not so affectionate with Butters during sex, which made the blond to feel like walking on thin ice and promised to himself to redouble the efforts at controlling his feelings.

Soon all that took a big toll on Butters' mood and he began to act a bit somber and more retracted than even at the time when people pretty much ignored his existence. He also started to lower his performance in school which made his parents to yell a lot at him again like before. At least they didn't beat him up anymore but Butters now hated even more to spend time in his house.

His crying bouts became more frequent too and they happened anywhere, making him to run looking for a secluded place away from prying eyes that would ask too many questions he wasn't allowed to answer. That's how Stan found him again one day during one of the recesses of the day. Butters had gone to the auditorium because at that time it was sure to be empty and Stan just happened to spot him on his way to the bathroom. When after a while Butters didn't showed up to have lunch Stan went to look for him there and found the blond wailing desperately under a row of seats. Once he could calm Butters a bit Stan just told him to meet him after school to go to his house. The seriousness in his face told Butters he wouldn't accept a no for an answer.

Later that day Butters was sitting on Stan's bed, feeling miserable and nervous about the lecture Stan was surely going to give him. The blond knew that Stan was right about a lot in this matter, Eric wasn't doing things right but Butters couldn't just stop loving him or pry himself away from the brunet without dying from the grief.

Stan got into the room after a while carrying a tray with soda for both of them and some snacks. He left everything besides Butters in the bed and sat on the other side "I don't even need to ask what happened right? Cartman kicked you out or something because you spoke too much?"

Butters sniffled and looked down while shaking his head "He didn't do anything… For now"

Stan knitted his brows "Then why were you crying like that?"

"Because it's just too much" Butters looked so appalled and sad that no one could have thought he was the same guy who was always cheering everyone up "I don't know how long I can keep doing this… Keeping everything inside… Knowing that Eric…" His eyes became watery then and a knot formed in his throat "Sometimes I have thought that he liked me, that he could even feel the same I feel for him. But now I see that I was a complete idiot for thinking that…" Butters' voice broke "I hate this! I hate to think like that. To think that he only uses me, that I'm just a fuck for him!" The blond was crying again now.

Stan pushed the tray away and moved closer, wrapping his arms around Butters and pulling him closer, letting him to cry on his shoulder "Let it all out dude…" The blond cried for a while, clinging to Stan's jacket until he finally was able to calm down. Stan patted on his back and spoke softly "Ready to talk again? Because we do need to talk about this Butters. You can't keep going on like this"

Butters sniffled and sighed before nodding "I know that. I don't want this either but… I don't know what to do"

"Well, first off we should think why is this happening" Stan caressed the blond's back softly while the other pulled himself together "It's not strange for Cartman to act like an asshole of course but this is weird even for him"

The smaller boy bit his lower lip and nodded again "It is… Sometimes I'm so sure he's enjoying what we do. That he enjoys being with me… But then he just says all those mean things and pushes me around and treats me as if we didn't just share one of the most intimate and beautiful things two persons can share…"

"Cartman has always been full of shit dude" Stan shrugged "He's always acting one way and then it turns out he's not like that at all… I mean, I'm not like Kyle or most of the other people around. I do know Cartman can be good and has done good things" Butters perked up at that and looked at Stan with wide eyes "Dude, it's not that difficult to see if you just bother to do it" Stan smiled "He spent all our childhood talking shit about animals, always saying he doesn't care about them or anyone at all and yet he loved his pets a lot and protected all those cats that one time and helped us with the whale and the baby cows… I saw that he cared about us too…" The black haired boy looked down briefly when he said that and sighed "My point is that his actions speak louder than his words. Even when he is a really loud fucker"

They both snickered at that and Butters smiled "Yeah, I've seen all that too… And a lot more I'm sure you guys don't know about" The blond rolled his eyes and huffed "But everything has to be so difficult with him when it comes to that stuff! You know? Last week he wanted us to see a movie and I really wanted to watch Wreck it Ralph 2 because I loved the first one and we saw it together some years ago when it came out" Butters folded his arms over his chest and pouted "But he just said 'Don't be fucking lame Butters. We're not kids anymore to go see that' Still I really wanted to see it so I insisted a lot and had to beg him and promise him..." Butters blushed "Well, bedroom stuff… And he finally agreed but was whining about it all the time and saying mean things about the movie and about me but then we watched the movie and I could see that he had a blast watching it! He was smiling so cute and laughing but as soon as we exited the theater he went back again to complaining and made me buy him dinner"

"Yep, typical Cartman" Stan sighed "Acting all tough and macho and saying all kinds of bullshit when he was the guy dressing up as a girl to do stuff and hosting tea parties for his dolls" The raven haired teen scoffed "Fucking repressed idiot…" Then Stan opened his eyes wide "Dude, that's it! It's not just that he's acting tough for his reputation or something, he must have some really fucked up case of internalized homophobia!"

Butters raised his eyebrows surprised and then bit his lip "That would make a lot of sense. He always snaps when I try to be intimate in a, well, gay way… When we're into it we kiss and all but if I try to do it when we're doing something else he pushes me away and looks at me like I've committed a crime"

"Fuck…" Stan muttered under his breath and pinched the bridge of his nose "I thought he had grown up from all that crap…"

"What do you mean?" Butters knitted his brow confused.

Stan looked at the blond for a moment and then bit his lower lip "I'll tell you something but you gotta promise not to tell anyone, especially Cartman okay?" Butters nodded slowly, a bit unsure about it since it sounded like something too important, maybe even dangerous for Stan to give him such a warning "Okay so… You're not… You're not the first guy Cartman has crushed on" Stan looked away and steeled his resolve to continue speaking "And I'm talking about majorly crushing on… Not just some random thing"

Butters felt something weird inside, it wasn't exactly pain but something was exerting a pressure on his chest, right over his heart "How do you know that?"

"When we were about twelve Cartman and Kyle fought over a pretty big assignment at school and that day Kyle misplaced his part, so he obviously thought Cartman had stolen it so that Kyle would fail on it" The raven haired boy started "Somehow he convinced me to sneak together into Cartman's room while Kenny distracted him playing videogames downstairs. We searched the whole place and we didn't found the assignment of course since Kyle had just forgotten it at school as we learned the next Monday but… Well, we did found something else" Stan gulped and his eyes turned troubled "I found his diary… I didn't even know he had one, with him always saying that kind of things were faggy and stuff"

"He still has diaries sometimes" Butters interjected not seeing what could be that wrong with that one "Especially when he has a lot in his mind or something particularly big to think about. He mostly doesn't know I know about them though"

"But what was inside was a much bigger shocker than the diary itself…" Stan sighed "I'm talking about drawings and huge monologues and poems… Fucking poems Butters… And don't get me started with the fanfictions…" Stan shook his head but looked more sad than disgusted "He was so crazy about this one guy and apparently he was just about to declare his love to him and ask him out" Stan bit the inside of his cheek and frowned a bit "When I read that to Kyle he looked like he had seen a ghost and just dragged us out of there like we had been standing on a crime scene. After that things between Cartman and Kyle went to shit even more than before. Cartman somehow suspected Kyle had gone through his things and found the diary and Kyle was all the time muttering curses against Cartman, even plotting his damned murder…" Stan covered his face with a hand and sighed "They had a huge fight soon after. The first time I saw Cartman actually hitting Kyle. We all thought he was going to kill him and took four of us to separate him from Kyle who was on the floor nearly unconscious and missing two teeth. I don't know what Kyle had told him to react like that but I have a pretty good idea about it…"

The blond was frowning and looking to the floor, his body shivering a little after that. He had always been terrified of Eric when he went fully violent and the idea of him being like that because of something happening regarding his love interest was certainly unsettling, especially because Butters wasn't sure about what place he had in Eric's heart and mind and if he could elicit that rage in Eric towards himself or others if he messed it up. And there was the thing about Eric feeling so strongly about someone else before him too. That was already crushing his heart and he was afraid to ask but he managed to clear his throat "So who… Who was the guy?"

Stan frowned and took a deep breath before looking to the ground "Me"

"What?!" Butters looked at him with pure shock in his eyes.

"It seems that he had been liking me for a couple of years already according to his diary" Stan sighed.

Butters looked down again and gulped but it was difficult because a knot was forming in there already "So you think… I'm just your replacement? Maybe that's why he treats me like that…"

Stan put a hand on the blond's shoulder "No. I don't think that's the case at all" Butters looked up to Stan who was smiling a bit to him "After the fight with Kyle we all kinda stopped hanging out together and he went on his own way. But aside from that something must have happened since he never even tried to make an advance towards me and you know how Cartman is when he wants something" Butters nodded "So he must have lost interest in me and then you showed up and I'm sure that whatever happens to him with you has nothing to do with what he used to feel for me" Stan then adjusted himself in the bed and looked thoughtful for a moment "What bothers me is that if he had decided to ask me out then he must have been okay with being gay. So what he's doing now to you, if it is him blocking himself to not admit he's gay then something must have changed and he regressed to when he swore he was straight"

"Well, those years were really hard for him" Butters shrugged "You all abandoned him, a lot of changes happened in his house and for a while I even feared he was kinda losing his mind…" Stan raised his eyebrows to Butters "Probably you didn't see it but I was closer to him and I know that he spent a time pretty close to losing it. Probably even had a delusional or psychotic episode. That's what made me push even harder to be beside him all the time and help him be himself again"

Stan's face showed a lot of worry and regret now "Shit… I never thought… I never would have wanted that for him. Even with all the shit he did before I still thought of him as a friend"

"You still abandoned him though" Butters frowned a bit.

"I had no choice Butters" Stan rolled his eyes "He and Kyle put me in a very hard situation and Kyle gave me a kind of ultimatum when I tried to talk him into not ditching Cartman. What was I supposed to do? Leave the guy that had been a brother to me all my life for the guy that almost killed him?"

Butters looked to the side and shook his head then he widened his eyes for a second and sighed "So that's why Kyle hates him so much huh?" Stan looked puzzled to him "I mean, the fact that Eric liked you and was about to ask you out… And then the fight… It was all because of the same thing right? Because he loves you too"

Stan looked surprised at Butters now and nodded "So you saw that too? Yeah… I think so as well. He acted so weird after we found that diary and I think he incited the fight to push Cartman away. Probably he told him something about me that made Cartman go crazy…" Stan frowned a bit "Sometimes I hate when Kyle acts like that. The very same way he complained about from Cartman…" Stan sighed and again there was pain in his eyes "After the fight Kyle told me he liked me and asked me out. Of course I told him no because I'm not into guys and that seemed to make him even bitterer towards Cartman. Somehow Kyle blames Cartman for me not wanting to be with him" Stan gulped and looked away "Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice… We are still super best friends, however lame that sounds now but… I know Kyle hasn't stopped feeling stuff towards me"

Butters bit his lower lip and offered a little smile to Stan "You two need to talk about it. For both your sakes. And um… Maybe he could stop being so hateful towards Eric if you explain to him what we talked now…" The blond looked down for a moment "I'm not gonna lie though. I'm a bit more worried now, this thing with Eric's feelings was already pretty confusing and now it's kinda worse but… At least this all gave me an idea"

Stan raised an eyebrow "Really? What are you going to do?"

"I'll tell you if it works" Butters smirked a bit "Thanks for this Stan. Whatever happened in the past you really have helped me a lot lately and I'm glad that we're still friends"

Stan smiled to the blond "I really hope that you can sort things out with Cartman. He could use a nice boyfriend like you to keep him in check"

***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm alone the whole weekend. You'll come and spend it with me right?" Eric loomed over Butters as the blond was grabbing the stuff from his locker.

It was Friday already and they hadn't been together since Monday so Butters supposed Eric would be desperate for them to do something on the weekend. And to be honest, Butters was too craving to spend some alone time with him "Yeah! Of course. Want me to go there tomorrow morning? Or maybe around lunch so you don't have to get up early?"

"You're coming with me today after school" The large brunet growled in a low and husky tone "I'll make sure you can't walk by next Monday" With that he left a pretty heated and blushed Butters to head to class.

By the time the last bell rang that day Butters was already brimming with excitement about what was to come and also pretty nervous. He had been thinking for a long while about a new approach to make things between him and Eric better but it was a bit of a risk still. Anything regarding their relationship was a risk, except the sex, that was the only secured part of it.

"Can we stop by my house for a second before we get to yours?" Butters asked smiling as they drove away from school in Eric's car "I need to tell my parents about this weekend and also grab some stuff…"

"What stuff you need?" Eric raised an eyebrow "You have your own toothbrush at home, there's plenty of food and lube and I won't allow you to wear pjs or anything else to bed"

"I still need to grab the things for the weekend's homework Eric" Butters chewed his lower lip at the little lie. It wasn't entirely a lie though since he did planned or at least hoped Eric to give him some time out of bed to do his homework. But that wasn't the only thing he would need for that day.

Eric just rolled his eyes and drove to Butters' house, pulling up on the driveway and muttering a "Hurry up" while tapping on the steering wheel to the beat of a pop song on the radio.

Butters ran inside and into his room, his cheeks getting pink and his lips curved into a wicked smile as he prepared what he hoped would be the solution to his problems with Eric. Then he grabbed his homework stuff and went to the kitchen to tell his mother about the weekend. The blond woman barely acknowledged him like she mostly did lately and Butters went back out and into Eric's car "What the fuck were you doing? You took ages! My balls are about to explode already!" The brunet whined as he started the car and sped away.

"I'll make it up to you" Butters smirked a bit and Eric shot him an amused and surprised look before grinning.

The moment the door closed behind them, Eric slammed Butters against it and ravaged his mouth with a wild and a bit too hard kiss. Butters moaned a bit and then whined at the pain in his lips from Eric's forceful moves. Eric pulled back and looked at Butters with lustful eyes and panting, still pinning the smaller boy to the door "Shit Butters… You could have sought me out this week for a quick fuck or at least some making out. I shouldn't be the one starting shit all the time"

"I'm not… Used to that Eric. But I did want to. I needed so much to be with you" The small blond touched his bruised lips with a fingertip and winced a bit at how sore they were "Why did it took so long this time? Were you mad at me again?"

Eric knitted his brows a bit at Butters' gesture and caressed the corner of the blond's mouth with his thumb before planting a really soft and gentle kiss on his lips, as if to apologize for hurting them. He shifted in his place and still maintained Butters against the door but now squeezing the boy with his body in a warmer and not so savage way "No I'm not mad at you. Unless you did something for me to be mad" Eric frowned for a second and Butters shook his head quickly. Then Eric eased his expression and rolled his eyes "My mother wouldn't leave the fucking house the whole week. She has new friends, actual friends not just fuckbuddies… And she spent all the time bringing them here and shit. And the principal dragged me to his office last Monday and told me he knows we have been doing something shady around the school and told me that he will expel both of us if we do it again and put the fucking counselor to follow me and make sure we don't get to sneak somewhere to do it"

Butters covered his mouth with a hand in a horrified gesture "Really?! But he never told me anything about it!"

"He's sure that I'm dragging you to it and that you're just too innocent to say no so he doesn't blames you" Eric huffed and then smirked "I should show him that video we made of you riding me so he could see how innocent you are"

The blond blushed hard and looked aside "You said that video was just for you to… Jack off when we can't be together…"

"Of course it is dumbass" Eric scoffed "You think I want anyone to see that we're fucking?"

Butters felt a pressure in his chest but just gulped and tried to look neutral "So no more fun at the school… I guess it's not that bad. You surely can't afford to be expelled when you're so close to get into MIT and I don't want my parents to be sore at me for not getting into college too…"

"Fuck, it is bad! You think it's been easy for me to just get to fuck my hand or a fleshlight for a whole fucking week?!" Eric growled and then attacked Butters' neck, suckling at it, making the blond to moan softly "But now we have a whole weekend to catch up with that…" Eric easily lifted Butters up and the smaller boy wrapped his legs around Eric's waist, who smirked and walked to the couch where he placed Butters and began to take off his clothes. Alternating between kissing him and removing an item off him until the blond laid naked and already hard on the couch. Eric kissed him hard and deep, his tongue moving all around inside Butters' mouth to then start to ravage his body, licking his neck and chest, playing with his small nipples and moving down his belly until he licked all around the boy's mound, grazing the soft blond pubes. Eric then attacked Butters' thighs, nibbling and licking on one of them, kissing and suckling until he left a hickey on the other. Butters was mewling and panting really loud, his normally pale skin was tinted rose or red all over and hot as if he had a fever. It didn't took much for him to get really turned on when it came to Eric, but the brunet knew exactly what to do to make him unravel in pleasure.

Butters gasped then and looked down surprised when he felt Eric's mouth closing around one of his balls, gently suckling at it before doing the same with the other, rolling it inside his mouth with his tongue. The blond felt his already incredibly hard cock releasing some precum which ran down his shaft. He could count with his hands the times Eric had sucked on his dick during all the time they had been having sex, but the brunet had never done it to his balls. He demanded it from Butters but had never returned that specific favor. Maybe all this time without doing anything had left the fat teen so thirsty for Butters that he could be more attentive of him. That thought brought a smile to his heated face. Eric was hungry for him so it must mean that the brunet liked him and this wasn't just him using Butters to unload.

For now though, Butters couldn't concentrate on thinking about that since his body was being torn by pleasure. It was a shame Eric rarely pleased Butters orally, the larger boy was incredibly skilled at that. Eric finally left Butters' balls and lifted his thighs, squeezing them softly to then bury his face in the blond's ass, pushing his tongue as far as it could go inside the pink hole that opened for him as if it had been waiting for it. It was true though, Butters had been needing Eric so much all these days…

Eric fucked Butters' with his tongue, making the blond scream in pleasure. Then he quickly moved up again and engulfed Butters' cock, sucking on it hard and pressing his tongue against it as he bobbed his head up and down. Butters was so overwhelmed by the pleasure that just after a minute or so he couldn't help but to cry out Eric's name while he shot all his cum into the brunet's mouth. Eric kept sucking at him until Butters couldn't give anything else and then raised himself with a smirk "You have no fucking stamina Butters" Despite his words Butters could see him pleased about what had happened.

Then Eric got up and folded his arms over his chest "What are you waiting for?"

Butters was still panting and his head felt a bit wobbly from his powerful orgasm but he of course knew what he should be doing so the blond sat up on the couch and unbuckled Eric's belt to then unbutton his pants, lowering them in an almost reverent way. Butters moved closer and pressed his face against the huge tent in Eric's boxers, feeling the husky boy's raging hardon before he mouthed at it through the fabric. Eric let out a pleased hiss but just left Butters do his thing. Tracing the shape of Eric's cock with his lips, Butters reached the tip and wrapped his lips around it, suckling at it softly, feeling how damp the fabric already was with all of the boy's precum. But it was obvious they both wanted more than just that so Butters lowered Eric's boxers and wasted no time before taking that huge cock into his mouth, licking and sucking at it just the way Eric loved him to. With a hand he played with the fat balls of the brunet while with the other he pushed the foreskin down to lick at the exposed head, taking in all the precum in there and making the brunet to give him some more accompanied with some low groaning and moans.

Maybe it was the accumulated need, maybe it was the fact that Eric had pleased him so well before, or maybe Butters just felt bolder in general that day but he did something he had never done. The hand in Eric's balls moved to his waist, very close to the boy's butt, an incredibly forbidden place for Butters, but the blond just pushed Eric's waist as he moved backwards on the couch, making the brunet to follow him until his back was all the way against the backrest of the couch and his head was resting on it. Then Butters pushed on Eric's waist with both of his hands, pulling the fat teen against him and taking more of his cock in his mouth. Eric seemed to take the hint and began to move inside Butters' mouth, effectively fucking it while Butters went back to play with his balls. Eric thrust fast and hard but not too deep, they had already gone through a pretty bad episode where he tried to push farther than what Butters could take and they ended up in the hospital with Butters almost choking to death from his throat closing from the shock and not letting him breathe. So Eric just pushed until a bit more of a quarter of his cock went inside the blond's mouth to then move backwards again.

Butters moaned around Eric's cock with each thrust. He loved to feel his mouth filled by Eric and doing it like this felt incredibly hot for him. He could taste a lot of the brunet's precum so it must have been really good for him too. Eric soon was grunting, his hands pressed against the wall as he fucked Butters' mouth hard until his movements became a bit more desperate and less measured as his groaning became louder too. Butters knew what was coming and made an effort to press his tongue against Eric's cock to maximize his pleasure until he could hear Eric growling and the cock in his mouth twitched and engorged itself a bit as thick strands of cum shot hard against his throat. Butters tried hard to swallow everything but the position he was and how hard Eric was cumming made it difficult so he choked a bit and had to let some of the cum to escape his mouth. Eric finally stopped shooting inside Butters mouth and pulled out, panting really hard, his forehead covered in beads of sweat and his lips curved up in a huge pleased smile as he looked down on a panting and dizzy Butters.

The large brunet lowered himself to be at level with Butters' head and scoffed "Took much more than you could handle? Being this slutty takes time Butters, but I do appreciate the initiative" He then looked for a second to his own cum that had dribbled down Butters' chin and licked it all up until he reached the blond's mouth and kissed him deeply but more gently than before. Butters mewled into the kiss and smiled, knowing that it surely meant Eric had loved what he had done.

Eric stood up and finished taking his clothes off. The times they had spent alone in his house he had always liked to go around naked and made Butters do the same after they had finished having sex. Butters liked that since it was part of their intimacy and it also meant that Eric was comfortable with them being naked together. Maybe he even liked to watch at Butters as much as the blond loved to watch Eric doing mundane stuff like that. Butters had imagined millions of times that this is how it would be if they lived together as a couple and maybe things with Eric could be complicated in that aspect but at least he was happy to live part of his fantasy.

Butters raised himself and hugged Eric kissing his chest. The large brunet wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his back a couple of times "I'm starving. Let's have early dinner and later in the night we can order something else" The blond nodded and happily followed Eric to the kitchen where the other grabbed some of the dinner his mother had left them and heated it up while Butters prepared the table. He noticed that Eric was including him into his wording more frequently than before. Maybe he wouldn't need to use what he had brought from his house after all if things were getting better on their own accord.

The boys ate dinner and then went upstairs because Eric wanted to play some videogames in bed. When they reached the room though, Eric placed the clothes he had discarded earlier beside the bed and slipped into his boxers. Butters knitted his brows confused at that but remained silent as Eric sat on the bed and prepared the console. Butters also put on his briefs because he felt uncomfortable being naked when Eric wasn't and that made him think that maybe things weren't getting better at all. Perhaps Eric had only been happy earlier because Butters did something new during sex but now that he had calmed down things were back to how they were before.

After around half an hour of playing Butters declared that he just wanted to watch, Eric just shrugged and continued playing on his own. The smaller boy didn't felt like playing with so many thoughts plaguing his mind, mostly about the boy next to him and their weird relationship.

Butters leaned onto Eric as he watched the other play and Eric barely acknowledged him. The blond looked down after a while and frowned a bit at Eric's underwear. It felt so strange to him to be alone with Eric and wearing clothes after all the fun they'd had downstairs. He began playing with the waistband of the brunet's boxers. Eric wiggled his waist a bit and then swatted Butters' hand away muttering something about concentration. Butters did it again and once more Eric swatted him away giving him a small frown.

The blond then kneeled in the bed and kissed Eric's cheek. The large teen kept playing but Butters could see him blushing a bit so he hugged Eric from behind and kissed his cheek again "You look so cute like this" Butters let out softly.

But then he could see Eric frowning again and the fat boy pushed him away and scowled at him "Butters can't you see I'm playing here? If you want to fuck again just say it and I'll do it when I finish this race. Otherwise just stay there and shut up"

Butters knitted his brow, feeling his heart being squeezed by something ugly and cold. He moved away from Eric and the other went back to playing. Butters could feel his eyes stinging and thought that it was time for him to play his last card. The blond got out from the bed and the room, briefly glancing back to Eric who didn't seemed to have even noticed it. Butters went downstairs and grabbed his backpack before going into the bathroom.

The blond took a deep breath before opening his backpack. He kinda dreaded to be doing this, it felt a bit wrong and desperate but he was after all desperate for Eric to be clearer about them. Or more like for him to hear Eric finally replying to his feelings, at least a little bit. Butters slid off his briefs again and began preparing. It took him ten minutes but in the end he felt good with the results in the mirror so he tried to calm himself as much as he could and walked to Eric's bedroom. The fat teen was still playing, his back to the door and Butters cleared his throat "So Eric, what do you think?"

The brunet huffed and paused the game before lazily turning around, his annoyed expression turned instantly into one of shock and horror and he jumped back a bit on the bed "What the fuck?!"

Butters walked a bit into the room, clad in a white and yellow dress that went down to his knees. The straps on his shoulders were thin and the top of the dress only covered half of his chest, if he had owned boobs it would have barely covered them. Silky long hair fell down to his shoulders, at least he got a wig with his same hair color. The makeup in his face was clearly the poorest part of the whole outfit, Butters had no experience with that kind of things and he had just seen some online tutorials before. At least he desisted from using high heels as his original idea had been, the blond knew it would only end up in a disaster "Is this better for you?" Butters tried to sound seductive but Eric's expression was making him unsure about this whole thing.

The large brunet had his eyes open wide as plates and his mouth was ajar in a comical expression. For a long moment he remained petrified as if he had seen something truly horrible but then he managed to close his mouth and gulp "Butters what?" Eric shook his head and tried again "What the fuck are you doing dressed up like that?" His voice sounded weird, more like a croak.

Butters bit his lower lip and looked around nervous "Well I… Since you clearly enjoy being with me but you never want to talk about it… I thought it could be maybe that you're not okay entirely with being with another man so… Well, I thought maybe you could feel more comfortable if I look this way…" The blond could feel his palms dampening and his heart was racing in his chest "Um… This wouldn't be permanent thought because… Well I don't feel like, um, being a girl but… Maybe when we're here alone and doing it… Maybe we could pretend if it makes things easier for you…"

Butters then dreaded having said all that, having done all that when Eric's face turned from shock to neutral to the horrible scowl he only gave to the people who had wronged him in a really bad way "You. Of all the fucking people in this fucking world, you are making fun of me" Eric slowly left the bed and stood in front of Butters, towering menacingly over him "It's not enough for you that I give you the honor of having sex with me. You, like everyone else want to also humiliate me for it right?" Eric gritted his teeth and pushed Butters who stumbled back a couple of steps. Then his scowl was distorted by something Butters couldn't tell what it was and Eric clicked his tongue while returning to the bed "I know you're an idiot so maybe you're not doing this out of malice. And you did well earlier so I'm giving you a last chance Butters. Get off that hideous joke of an outfit and get back so I can fuck some sense into you" Butters was petrified in his place, his eyes watery already "Now!" Eric barked and Butters slowly moved away back into the bathroom.

Once in there the blond locked the door and sat on the toilet, his tears already running down his face and his sobbing making him hiccup as he cried silently for a long while.

Finally Butters managed to control his breathing and took off the wig going to the sink to clean his face. Then he took off the dress too and was about to leave but then he stopped and bit his lip. If this hadn't worked then maybe nothing would ever work. Butters felt again his chest tightening with anguish at the thought of things never getting better between them. They were just a year away from going to college and probably never see each other away. Maybe that had been Eric's idea all along, to have Butters as his sex toy until he could get out of South Park and get himself someone else who could be his actual partner.

Butters felt tears again running down his cheeks but there was no cry inside him anymore. Maybe this was it. He hadn't wanted to do this but he had thought about it before and the other guys seemed to agree too. Butters needed to be firm about something at least once in his life. So the blond got dressed with his regular clothes and stored everything else in his backpack before leaving the bathroom.

When he got into the bedroom Butters saw Eric sitting in his bed, elbows on his knees and face in his hands. Butters cleared his throat and the fat teen raised his head "Finally, now come here and…" He knitted his brows then looking at Butters "What the hell? I told you to come so we could fuck, why are you dressed?"

Butters took a deep breath and gulped "No" It sounded more like a squeak but he cleared his throat again and tried to calm himself "We're not having any more sex until… Until you come clear with your feelings towards me"

Eric looked at the blond as if he was something completely weird and alien "What the fuck are you talking about Butters?" Then he scowled again "Are you going to start again with that crap? Wasn't I clear enough the last time?"

Butters was shaking from the nerves and from the grief now and he stuttered a bit "You can… You can kick me out if you want… But… We're not doing anything else anymore unless you admit what's between us" Butters bit his lip to control himself "I know it must be hard for you admitting it but we… I can't continue like this Eric" His voice had broken already and he rose it a bit "I love you Eric! And you're hurting me awfully with what you're doing so admit that you at least like me or forget about ever having sex with me again or even talk to me for that matter!"

The large brunet looked astounded at Butters for a long moment. But then his face became distorted with rage and he growled in a low but threatening voice "You're fucking breaking my balls here Butters. You know I don't have much patience and you've depleted it already. Now quit this shit already, forget about all that crap of feelings and get on this bed to be fucked right now"

Butters could feel once more how tears fell from his eyes and there was a knot in his throat that was making it difficult for him to breathe. His whole body was shaking from the anger and sadness he was filled with and he gritted his teeth, repressing a scream before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and shooting one hurt look at Eric "Don't seek me out ever again" It had been almost a whisper but it carried way more power than any shriek he could have mustered. Butters turned around and left the room and then the house without looking back once, expecting to feel Eric's hand grabbing him to at least force him to stay and finally started to cry when he walked half a block away and even that didn't happen.

***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles.


	6. Chapter 6

A month and half hadn't been enough to make Butters forget about Eric as he had wanted to. In reality it was worse. At first he had been afraid of Eric becoming violent and going as far as to hurt him bad or rape him just to teach him a lesson, but the brunet hadn't even tried talking to him and every time they were in the same place Eric just left. Now Butters was afraid of himself and of his feelings being not the pure love he had thought of before but an unhealthy obsession that he couldn't shake off his head. He was experiencing some pretty nasty things like heavy loss of his appetite, lack of concentration in class making his grades to drop, random bouts of crying that could be triggered by anything and even physical things like a constant exhaustion and weakness. It was just like if he were going through some withdrawal crisis. His pent up libido didn't helped at all, constantly pushing him to go and try to apologize to Eric, gnawing at his mind to give up whatever stupid pride or self-preservation instinct he could have and just let the brunet do whatever he wanted with him just to taste the sweet bliss that only Eric seemed to be able to produce in him. Even when he tried to masturbate Butters couldn't finish and he felt even wrong doing it by himself without Eric being at least present.

Butters contemplated going to therapy for it but it would require telling his parents everything that had been happening and he was scared of it making it all worse. And also even if he wanted to hate him, Butters couldn't betray Eric's trust by letting everyone know they had been sleeping together. It was already bad enough that Stan and the others knew thought he trusted in them not telling anyone else.

The blond was now walking to class like always, almost in a trance, not really aware of what happened around him when someone pulled on the sleeve of his sweater. Butters turned around and found Clyde there smiling nervously at him "Hey Butters… Um… I was asked to give you this" The small brunet handed a small piece of paper into Butters' hands.

Butters looked at the paper and then to Clyde. He knew what was all this about of course but at least he needed to confirm it "Who sent you?"

Clyde looked even more nervous and just muttered "Well um… Eric…"

The blond frowned and crumpled the paper in his hand, letting it fall to the ground before walking away. He could hear a faint 'Oh shit' coming from Clyde and he pitied the poor boy who would surely face a harsh reprimand. Butters reached his next class and sat on his chair huffing. A part of him was desperate to at least know what that paper said but then he scoffed with disdain at the very childish approach from someone who had toyed with him so much before and had made feelings appear in Butters that he despised having.

Another note was slipped to him during lunch the next day, this time by Scott Malkinson and yet another two days later by Kevin Stoley. All of them met the same fate and Butters wondered if Eric would try to approach him in person once he would run out of lackeys.

Butters was waiting for Stan to get out of his Friday practice a week later so they could hang out for a while like they had been doing for a time already. He found that Stan was being really supportive and always tried to keep Butters distracted from thinking about Eric. Finally Stan met him outside the school grounds and they walked to his car but as he was about to enter the car Butters could see Eric coming his way, a serious and determined look in his face. Stan saw him too and frowned "Dude, you don't want this. Get in so we can go"

Butters bit his lip and shook his head "I gotta face him at some point. Might as well be now" The black haired boy sighed and remained by the car in case he would need to help with something.

Eric finally reached the car and looked at both boys with an undecipherable face before just grunting "Butters, we need to talk"

The blond gulped a bit nervous but tried to stand firm in front of the other "You might need to talk. I don't. You don't speak for the both of us"

Eric frowned and gritted his teeth but then just sighed "Okay yeah, I need to talk. Will you stop being a smartass and come with me?"

Butters remained in silence for a moment. Thoughts racing inside his mind and colliding with each other while he was trying to fight his own body and its need to be close to Eric again. Finally he gulped and shot a quick glance to Stan who was looking at him very worried to then look again at Eric "If you want to talk then you'll come with me. We can do it in the square across the street"

The large brunet again looked miffed but just rolled his eyes "Whatever. Okay, we can talk there" Eric began to walk away but remained close to the gates, looking back to Butters.

"Are you sure about this?" Stan asked concerned.

"No. But I could at least give him the chance to explain himself" Butters sighed looking down.

"You gave him millions of chances dude" The black haired boy clicked his tongue.

"This is the last one. I promise" Butters tried to smile reassuringly to his friend and walked away from the car.

"Good luck…" Stan pursed his lips "And call me as soon as this all ends. If you don't call by ten I'll start looking for you okay?"

Butters chuckled a bit but nodded "Thanks for this. See you" Stan waived at him and got into his car.

The blond walked towards Eric who was lighting up a cigarette "Since when do you smoke?" Butters asked knitting his brow a bit disgusted by the smell of the smoke.

"Last month" Eric replied drily and began to walk towards the square in front of the school.

Butters let out a breathy 'Oh' and followed the tall brunet to a bench where they sat in silence for a while, looking forward.

"What was that? You and the hippie are dating now?" Eric asked suddenly. His voice sounded coarse.

Butters looked at him and just now he could notice the dark circles under Eric's eyes and how taut his face looked. He also was pale and seemed to be pretty exhausted "We're just friends. He's been helping me with keeping my mind off… Well, everything that happened"

Eric nodded and just kept looking forward for a while. He took a couple more drags from his cigarette and exhaled loudly "It's been hard for you?"

The blond looked down and nodded "Horrible…"

"Same here" Eric took another drag of his smoke and Butters swatted the air so that the gross smoke wouldn't land on him. Eric looked that over the corner of his eye and put down the cigarette with a sigh.

Butters looked at him doing that and had to repress a little smile that wanted to appear on his lips. He wanted, needed to hope this could turn out well but his history with Eric told him to be wary "So… What did you want to talk about?"

Eric knitted his brow and pursed his lips before looking briefly at Butters "I huh… I went out with this chick I met online a couple times and um… We fucked and stuff…"

Butters raised an eyebrow at that "You brought me here to tell me you've been fucking around with someone else?" The anger he was quickly building inside was very clear in his voice.

"No! You moron" Eric gritted his teeth and huffed, letting the silence to float between them for a moment as if he were concentrated on choosing his words carefully "I wanted to tell you that… It wasn't the same" The large brunet closed his eyes and sighed "I didn't… It was empty and felt kinda gross…"

"I see" Butters nodded and looked forward again. Hope wanted to settle in him but the blond boy still felt too hurt to let it "Maybe that's not your thing then. Maybe girls are not your thing…"

Eric made a strange sound and Butters saw how he covered his face with his hands and started to tremble a little. For a while Eric just remained like that and Butters would have sworn he could hear Eric sobbing. Then the fat teen rubbed his eyes with his palms and took a deep breath "No… You're my thing"

Now there was no way Butters could stop a smile from curving his lips but still he didn't wanted to rush into anything that could just bring him down later, like it had happened every other time before "That's nice to hear but… Is that all?"

"What do you mean with 'Is that all?'" Eric frowned "What fucking else do you want from me?"

"Maybe that you stop being such an idiot about all this?" Butters replied getting angry again "You think you can play with my heart and my body just like that and then ditch me when I say something you don't want to hear because you're too stupid to admit what's been happening? And then come back and sway me into repeating it all over again?" Butters stood up and scowled at Eric like he had never done before, but his eyes were filled with tears and his voice was about to break "I won't let you do that again Eric! I love you but… I wish I could stop doing it" Finally Butters' voice broke and he turned around to leave.

But then he felt Eric's big hand grabbing his wrist and pulling him back to the bench "Don't! Just wait Butters" The blond turned around slowly and looked at Eric who had his face distorted by grief and his eyes watery "It's not like that… This time… Fuck Butters… Can't you see this is not easy for me?"

"I know it's not easy! Do you think it was easy for me when I realized how much I need you?" The blond wiped the tears off his eyes and tried to calm down "But you can't keep running away from what you feel all your life. You'll end up miserable and making others sad too" Butters felt the strong grip in his wrist fading and saw Eric dabbing at his tears clearly annoyed that Butters could see him like that "Eric, there's nothing wrong with us having something. And I'm not talking just about the sex. Because there is much more than just that, I can see it and I know you can too. You feel something right?" Eric closed his eyes and sighed while nodding "Then say it Eric. It will do us a lot of good. Please, just something small…"

The large brunet took a deep breath and bit his lip before opening his eyes and looking right at Butters "I… I like you Butters… A lot. And not just your body I also… I feel stuff… For you…" Eric exhaled loudly and rubbed his face with his hands again.

Butters could see the strain that those words had put Eric under and wondered for a moment if this could be more than he could see. Eric had always been difficult about expressing his feelings but what he saw now was that Eric had been fighting hard against something, most probably himself. This was clearly no simple matter. Still, Butters felt his chest getting warm with the fuzzy and nice feeling he had always gotten those times where he had been nestled against Eric's chest and the other gently held him there looking happy about them being together.

The blond smiled then. It had been a small step maybe but in the right direction "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to hear that Eric" He moved a bit closer and took Eric's hand. The brunet widened his eyes and looked around panicked but they were alone in the square so he just squeezed Butters' hand softly. The blond smiled wider "I take it that you're not mad at me or anything?"

Eric raised an eyebrow looking puzzled at Butters "No? I mean, You pretty much forced me to say all that but… I guess it's not that bad because well… It's the truth"

Butters caressed Eric's hand "Then I guess it wouldn't be bad to continue this conversation somewhere else… Maybe your place if you want" Eric smiled a bit smugly then and Butters raised an eyebrow "Just to talk alright? I'm still not entirely sure if anything else will happen…"

Eric rolled his eyes and huffed "Okay…" Then he knitted his brow "Wait, so you wanted to talk here because you thought I would be mad at you?" Butters nodded "You thought I would be so angry that I would hurt you or something?" The blond looked troubled at that and nodded looking away. Eric frowned and then sighed "You're an idiot Butters… I would never do something like that"

"Well you have hurt me before" Butters shrugged still not looking at him "Both physically and emotionally…"

The large brunet let go of Butters and gulped looking down "I have been a huge asshole to you I know but… I don't want that anymore. It… Hurts me when I see you sad…"

Butters looked up a bit surprised and then just smiled "Guess I'll have to help you keep your word right?" Eric smiled a bit too and nodded "Let's go then, it's starting to get really cold" Butters stood up from the bench and Eric followed him.

The drive to Eric's house was quiet but not uncomfortable. They both had a lot to think about and welcomed the chance to just have a moment without so many tensions after all that had happened before. Once inside the house Eric went to the couch and sat there, Butters did the same at a prudent distance, he wanted to mark that not everything was fine yet "You don't look so well…" He ventured now seeing more clearly that Eric did looked pretty much a wreck. With concern Butters noticed that the brunet's clothes were looser on him now and he didn't appeared to be as neat and clean as he always used to look.

"Thank you Butters. That's the best thing you could have told me after all this shit" Eric grinned sarcastically and then rolled his eyes "I know… I've been… Thinking a lot and stuff"

"And bedding random girls…" Butters looked to the side, that detail hurt but at least it had prompted Eric to say what he had been wanting to hear.

"That was nothing okay?" Eric huffed "It was something stupid I did because I was desperate"

"Well you are kinda insatiable…" Butters shrugged and smiled a little.

"It wasn't just about the sex" The husky teen sighed and reclined more onto the couch "I needed to prove myself that I wasn't a fag" Eric closed his eyes and huffed "That did backfired though but still… All this time apart from you… It's been hell"

"I can see that" Butters nodded and shot a concerned look at Eric "Did you lost weight?"

Eric looked down on himself and shrugged "Probably. I couldn't eat because I had this constant knot in my throat and everything just tasted like shit. And I couldn't sleep because every time I tried to I would get these fucked up nightmares. And apparently I've been having some other heavy stress and anxiety symptoms"

"Depression too I could guess" Butters bit his lower lip "Is that why you're smoking now?"

Eric nodded "Kept the headaches from the hunger at bay"

"And you haven't been showering and changing clothes as regularly as before right?" Butters frowned a bit.

"Any other bad thing you see about me that you wanna add?" Eric huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm just worried about you Eric" Butters sighed "I know how bad you must have felt because I went through the same"

Eric knitted his brows "Shit… I didn't mean to… I mean are you okay?"

Butters nodded "It was pretty bad but I guess I had at least friends at school and chores at home to distract me"

The large brunet gulped and took a deep breath before reaching towards Butters, taking his hand and caressing it "I'm… Sorry. About all this shit. About everything…"

Butters turned his hand around and squeezed Eric's "I know" He looked down for a moment and then back up again to Eric's eyes "What will happen now?"

"I don't know" Eric shrugged but looked to the side.

"What do you want to happen?" Butters asked in a more hopeful tone.

Eric looked back at him and smiled softly "I want us to be happy. Together. Not like before, I really mean it this time"

"You won't kick me out or get all grumpy if I try to be romantic with you?" Butters smiled getting a bit closer.

"I haven't done it yet have I?" Eric squeezed the blond's hand gently. Butters chuckled and moved closer. Eric did the same and leaned down to kiss him. It was a short and soft kiss but it clearly was what they had been needing for a long time as their dreamy gazes could attest.

Butters let go of Eric's hand and stood up from the couch smiling "How about you take a shower while I order some food and then we could watch something here? I take it you're alone tonight right?"

Eric got up too and nodded smirking "Being all assertive suits you, sometimes" Butters snorted and Eric caressed his cheek "Are we okay now?"

"I mean, we're not bad" Butters shrugged but leaned onto Eric's hand against his face "We have a chance to make things okay and I really want to make the most of it"

Eric nodded smiling "I'll do my best not to screw it up then" He leaned down and kissed Butters again shortly "Are you staying tonight?"

"If you behave" Butters smirked and Eric snorted giving him another light kiss before heading upstairs to take a shower. The blond went to the kitchen to see what they could have for dinner and decided it would be easier and faster to just order some pizzas. He made sure to get one supercharged and another light one since Eric needed to eat a lot to recover what he had lost. Butters also took the chance to text Stan telling him he was fine. Stan called him back to make sure and they talked a little bit about what had happened. Then Butters returned to the living room and waited for Eric to come back.

The brunet returned some minutes later wearing fresh clothes and visibly more relaxed and sat beside Butters "Dinner's on the way?"

Butters nodded and moved closer to him "Yeah. Wanna watch something in the meantime?"

Eric wrapped an arm around the blond and smiled to him "Pick something. But not anything boring or stupid"

Butters raised an eyebrow "This is your idea of behaving?"

The large brunet opened his mouth to reply but then just huffed and pouted a bit looking to the front. Butters chuckled and grabbed the remote to pick a movie. He found one not extremely gory and violent like the ones Eric loved but not something childish either. Eric seemed to be good with the compromise since he stopped pouting and held Butters tighter against himself. Half an hour later the pizza arrived and they attacked it while watching the movie. It was as if they hadn't eaten anything in months and pretty soon there was no more, something Butters didn't thought would happen even with them being hungry.

Full and warm in Eric's arms Butters was feeling more than content with how things were developing and when the movie ended he crawled over Eric and kissed him "I was thinking I could stay here after all…"

Eric gave him a half smile "Good. Will you sleep on the couch? Or maybe I could lend you my sleeping bag…"

The blond raised his eyebrows and pouted a bit "I want to sleep in your bed… With you"

"That's more like it" Eric smirked and kissed him "Do we get to have fun before or the deal is just for sleeping?"

Butters caressed Eric's chest and shrugged "Wouldn't mind some fun… You're the only one who's been getting some lately though so I would like something special…"

Eric rolled his eyes "You're not gonna stop bugging me about that won't you?" Butters chuckled and the brunet did the same "But yeah, I think we can work something out"

Butters stood up and grinned at Eric "What are we waiting for then?" The brunet raised an eyebrow but smiled and got up too, following Butters upstairs into his room.

Once in there Eric dropped any attempt to mask his need and scooped the blond up in his arms, hurrying to the bed and placing him there softly before crawling over him, capturing his lips immediately as his hands roamed around the smaller body. Butters moaned into the kiss and tugged at Eric's shirt, snaking his hands inside to caress the soft and huge belly. The husky teen broke the kiss and raised himself up to take his shirt off and grinned at Butters while the blond ran his hands all over his torso. Before Eric never had let Butters to caress him like this, not for long at least, but now the smaller boy bit his lower lip at the excitement from finally being able to run his hands all over Eric like he had always wanted. One of the things he loved the most about Eric was that even having a body not conventionally pretty he still was confident enough about it to show it off and never questioned that Butters could like him. And Butters really liked him. All huge and round, like an enormous and soft teddy bear, Eric always managed to turn Butters on.

Now as he worshipped Eric's body, Butters felt bold and cupped the larger boy's breasts, pinching at the nipples a bit which made Eric to close his eyes and hiss in pleasure. Confidence or not, Eric under any circumstance had let Butters touch him there, always muttering that he was no bitch to have her tits squeezed. But now he just let Butters have his way for a little while before going back down to make out with him.

The blond boy felt blissfully smothered under Eric's weight and warmth as the brunet's lips and tongue worked wonders on his own. Eric then shifted his hips to make their erections rub against each other, making the two boys to moan hard into the other's mouth. The brunet rose again but this time unbuttoned Butters' shirt and took it off, going quickly back down to kiss and suckle and nibble all over from the blond's neck to his nipples and to his belly as he undid Butters' pants, yanking them off in one swift move, smirking at the pretty nicely sized and even better shaped cock that already stood proud and wanting in front of him. Eric gave it a lick from the balls to the tip, wrapping his lips around it when he got there and suckling softly.

Butters gasped and whimpered at that but he also wanted to please his counterpart, so while Eric sucked him off slowly Butters pressed his foot against Eric's still clothed hardon, rubbing it gently and feeling it twitch. Eric looked up still with Butters' cock in his mouth and saw how the blond grinned at him and licked his lips in a very lascivious gesture. The fat teen smiled and let go of Butters before standing up and taking off his pants and underwear too, laying back onto the bed on his side with his head on Butters' groin and his own near the blond's head.

Without any hesitation, both boys engulfed the cock in front of them and moaned in unison as the pleasure took over them. Eric sucked on Butters slowly and with a lot of suction while the blond did it faster but aiding himself with his hand that pumped at the base of Eric's cock. Butters could feel Eric's huge cock twitching madly inside his mouth and filling it with precum until Eric suddenly pulled out and sat on the bed. Butters looked at him a bit puzzled but then thought that the brunet maybe wanted to do something more "You're wanting to be in me now?"

Eric had a neutral expression in his face for a moment which scared Butters a bit but then the large brunet bit his lower lip, glancing at Butters cock before crawling on the bed, going past Butters and remaining in all fours "I want something else…"

The blond sat on the bed and looked at Eric astounded "Really? I mean, are you sure? I…"

"Come on Butters, do me already before I change my mind" Eric rolled his eyes annoyed but there was a hint of fear and expectation in his eyes. Butters moved closer and hesitantly put a hand on another of the forbidden places of Eric's body, this one being barred since the very first time they did anything. Eric shuddered as Butters softly caressed his butt with a look of amazement in his eyes and a dorky smile "Butters, you can worship my ass some other time but now I need you to fuck me before I chicken out. Seriously"

Butters could see the want and also the worry in Eric's eyes and he knitted his brows, not wanting to do something that could make Eric uncomfortable just because he had asked for something especial. But there was desire in those big brown eyes so he just shook his head and moved to the nightstand where Eric stashed the lube "Will you need preparation?"

Eric was breathing shallow and gulped "Just um… A little bit…"

Butters nodded and coated one of his fingers with the lube, parting Eric's cheeks with a hand and gently rubbing all over and around Eric's hole making sure the whole area would be nice and slippery. He could feel Eric trembling and saw how the brunet hugged a pillow and buried his head there. Butters softly pushed his finger inside and both boys gasped, Eric at the intrusion and Butters surprised at how easily it went in. The blond explored around a bit, watching as Eric had started to sweat profusely and his whole body was tinted red from his blushing. Butters then added another finger, which made Eric's hole to tighten this time, making it more difficult to get inside but slowly he worked his way until both of his fingers were into Eric. The smaller boy moved inside Eric a bit more, wanting to find his prostate when suddenly he heard a muffled but still loud cry from Eric and smirked. He pressed and rubbed at that sweet nub a couple more times, making more muffled moans to come from Eric until he deemed the larger boy was relaxed enough to take him in.

Butters slipped his fingers out slowly and caressed Eric's back "Are you okay? Still want me in?"

Eric raised his head from the pillow and looked at Butters, his face was completely red and covered in sweat "Ye… Yes… Do it now, please"

The blond softly patted at Eric's ass and got up, coating his achingly hard cock with a lot of lube and positioned behind the brunet, again parting his cheeks with a hand and using the other to rub the head of his cock against the wanting hole in front of him "I'll go really slow okay?" Eric just nodded and buried his head into the pillow again. Butters took a deep breath and began to push himself into Eric. He wasn't as big as the brunet but his cock had a pretty decent size both in length as in girth, almost going past average, but then again Butters was amazed to feel that Eric showed not even half of the resistance he had expected. Still there was some and Butters under no circumstance wanted to hurt the other boy so he moved back and forth with small and slow movements, pushing himself a little bit more with each one until he finally saw his cock disappear inside Eric's huge ass. Butters moaned at that and had to contain himself not to start pounding right away. Instead he just caressed Eric's back and butt softly "Let me know when you want me to move"

Eric nodded still into the pillow and Butters felt him clenching around him a couple of times to then relax. Eric was trembling hard now and Butters worried again but then Eric raised his head and just said "Now" before falling back onto the pillow. Butters snapped from his thoughts and began to slip his cock out slowly until only half was inside Eric to then begin his pushing going almost all the way in, repeating that sometimes, faintly increasing his speed until he was thrusting into Eric at a nice pace. He could hear the muffled moans from the large boy and he himself moaned at the warmth and tightness around his cock. Eric clenched around him exquisitely as if it were a milking machine. It was his first time doing this but Butters knew then that this would be the fastest way to make him cum by far. He sped up his thrusts, pumping into Eric fully now, his hips smacking against Eric's ass producing a loud wet sound that accompanied their moans and groaning. Butters could feel his balls hitting Eric's larger ones and that turned him on even more. He adjusted his angle trying to hit the fat teen's nub of pleasure and soon Eric raised his head releasing a loud cry while clenching around Butters. The blond smirked and kept pounding onto that spot, making Eric's cries and moans to be fully heard even if he was again buried into the pillow.

Having Eric like that, giving him such pleasure and knowing that he was giving it to Eric too was just too much for Butters and with some really hard and deep thrusts he groaned and released everything he had inside Eric. The blond kept moving with shallow and slow thrusts until his orgasm was done and he finally slumped over Eric's ass, panting heavily and smiling.

The brunet wasn't moving aside from his heavy breathing and his trembling that reached a level that made Butters knit his brows and he slipped out of him slowly to then sit beside him "That was so great… No wonder you always wanted to do it to me" He snickered but Eric was still unresponsive. Butters frowned worried now and caressed Eric's head "Hey… What's the matter? Didn't you like it?" Eric began to tremble even harder now and Butters could hear faint sounds coming from the pillow "Eric please you're scaring me. Are you okay? Are you hurt or something? Please talk to me" He pushed gently on Eric's back and the larger boy finally collapsed to the side, letting go of the pillow but now hugging it against his chest tightly. Butters could see the red and strained face of the larger boy covered in sweat and tears as he sobbed quietly.

Butters gasped and felt his chest tightening at the sight and dove quickly to hug Eric who began to cry loud now, letting go of the pillow and pulling Butters closer instead. The blond caressed his back and whispered softly onto Eric's ear that everything was going to be okay and for a long while they just remained like that until Eric finally seemed to have cried everything out and just laid there with his face buried into Butters' chest.

"Eric… What's happening?" Butters kissed his face softly and wiped the tears from it "I thought you wanted to do this…"

The husky boy sniffled and cleared his throat "I did want it… I've been wanting it for so long but…" His voice was coarse from all the crying and Butters could notice how hard was it for him to talk about this "You have no idea the shit I've been through Butters… Doing this was…" He looked up to Butters and gave him a bitter smile "I'm glad it was with you. I don't ever want it to be with anyone else"

The smaller boy felt his own tears running down his face and he leaned down to kiss Eric "Then I'll never do it with anyone else either"

Eric smiled into the kiss and pressed their foreheads together "Promise that? It'll be just us always?"

"Forever. If you want to of course" Butters kissed Eric's nose. The brunet nodded and buried his face onto Butters' neck "You'll tell me what happened?"

"I will. But not now" Eric mumbled against the blond's collarbone. Butters nodded and held Eric tight while caressing his back.

***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles.


	7. Chapter 7

Morning light caught the two boys entangled cozily on Eric's bed. Butters woke up first and smiled at the sight of Eric sleeping beside him with a light smile in his lips. He always loved how peaceful Eric looked when sleeping because that was the true Eric he knew had resided inside the brunet always, calm and quiet when devoid from the outside world that pushed him to put on a mask of something nasty just to not be trampled by people who showed a nicer face to the world. The blond caressed the huge and soft body snuggled against him and hoped that there could be more mornings like this one for them, mornings where they could just continue resting even after waking up, relaxed in the fact that neither of them had to be thinking about repressing their feelings or masking who they really were.

Butters was taken out from his thoughts when Eric stirred a little and made some soft purring against his hair while tightening his hold on the blond "Good morning Eric" Butters smiled and planted a small kiss on the brunet's chest.

"Gomrng" Eric grumbled clearly still more asleep than woke.

The smaller boy snickered and tickled one of Eric's nipples "Slept well? You're usually pretty alert when you wake up. Are you still tired?"

Eric shivered at the touch and took a deep breath before kissing Butters' head "Completely the opposite. I slept so good that I don't really want to wake up" His voice was soft as his caresses all over the blond's back "I'm alert when I wake up worried about something. Or after a nightmare"

Butters knitted his brows and looked up "But that's pretty much all the time"

"It's not easy being me" Eric shrugged.

The blond sighed "So even after a good night together you still felt like that?" He sounded quite disappointed "I guess it was pretty dumb of me to think you could feel at ease with me…"

Eric opened his eyes and frowned at Butters briefly "Don't say that bullshit. Of course I'm good with you. But I was worried about… Well, us… I was worried about the talks that would happen once the heat had gone out. I was worried about you telling me nice things and not being able to reply to them because I was being an idiot about this whole thing"

Butters moved up a little and kissed Eric softly "I wish things hadn't happened this way… But at least we have a chance to improve them right?"

Eric nodded and smiled while tucking a blond lock behind Butters' ear "You're cute…"

The smaller boy blushed and kissed Eric again "You're cute too" Eric blushed even harder but just smiled wider and hugged Butters tight. The blond smiled onto Eric's chest and they just laid like that for a moment until Butters looked up and patted at Eric's side "I kinda need to go to the bathroom… I feel all sticky back there"

The brunet snorted and let go of him "We really crashed unconscious after that huh?"

"Well it was quite intense…" Butters smiled and got up, wincing a little until he left the bed and went to the bathroom. There he cleaned himself up and then went back to the room where Eric was sitting in his bed checking his phone.

"Everything okay?" Eric asked wrapping his arm around Butters when the boy sat beside him "I saw you making a face when you got up…"

"I'm just a bit sore" Butters shrugged and then sighed "Well, kinda a lot… You went really rough on me last night"

Eric sighed and pressed Butters closer to him, caressing his head "I'm sorry Butters… I shouldn't have done that"

"I mean, it was good. At the time" Butters hugged Eric's belly and placed a little kiss on it "But maybe you should've prepared me better before or something"

Eric sighed again and covered his face with a hand. Butters could see clearly the regret in his eyes "Shit… I know that… I was an asshole" Eric looked away and shook his head "I kinda needed to do it that way, to be really rough and brute. After you… Did me I kinda needed to… Feel manly again"

Butters knitted his brows and caressed Eric's face "But Eric! You are the most masculine guy I know! You've never done anything girly since middle school. Besides, do you think I'm less of a man for letting you fuck me all this time?"

Eric rolled his eyes and sighed "I know that but I told you this was hard for me. And no, if I hadn't seen you as a man I wouldn't had had so much trouble acknowledging what we have"

"We don't have to do that ever again if it makes you feel bad" Butters pursed his lips and caressed Eric's cheek.

"But it made me feel awesome! It was so good" Eric shook his head "I just… I still need time to change the shit way I used to think about, well, pretty much everything I do"

"Luckily for us time is the one thing we're in plenty of supply right?" The blond smiled and kissed Eric's chest "We did talked about 'forevers' last night"

Eric smiled and leaned down to capture Butters' lips in a tender kiss "Yes we did" He softly caressed Butters' hand that was over his belly and intertwined their fingers "What are you feeling like doing now?"

"We could have a nice breakfast maybe and then go for a walk?" Butters ventured looking up dreamily at those big brown eyes that fascinated him so much "It's been ages since we did that"

"Finally! I'm fucking starving so it's a huge yes to the breakfast" Eric chuckled and then kissed Butter's nose "And the walk sounds nice too. I think we never did that just for the sake of spending time together…"

"Then we should get going, we don't want you to starve and be losing all of this that I like so much" Butters said as he rubbed all over Eric's belly. The brunet snorted but Butters could see him blushing hard and smiling.

Even if they had rested well neither of the boys felt like making breakfast so they decided to have some outside. Since they were having a walk later Eric thought it would be best to leave his car at home and they walked over downtown where they sat at a nice café that didn't had much people in it, after all it was kinda late for most people's breakfast. Eric looked thankful about that and Butters realized that it might be too soon for the brunet to show themselves together in public. Still Eric only took his eyes off Butters to look at his food during their whole stay there and his voice was not the usual grumpy bark or the smug gloating he usually talked in. Instead he spoke softly to the blond and always with a smile. Butters could almost see him lighter, having shed a huge weight off his heart, but he knew there was still a long road for them before Eric could be really free of whatever that had been oppressing him before. Butters was dying to know so he could help Eric better but if there was one thing he had learned the hard way about Eric was that he couldn't push the bigger boy with matters of feelings or his inner thoughts, he needed to let Eric share them when he felt ready and the best Butters could do was to provide a safe and comfortable space for him to do it.

After breakfast the boys started to wander around, going at a slow pace without any pressure or specific place to go, just enjoying being next to the person they felt so strongly for. Passing by several familiar places they both brought out anecdotes as if they were two people going back to their childhood town after decades of being away. In a sense they both had changed a lot in the last times and felt different from how they were the day before. There was no more fear of unspoken words or sadness about bottled up feelings that should have been happy things if their situation had been different.

When they reached the pond's park Eric suggested they rest a bit and walked over a deserted area, sitting on some rocks under a tree that looked dryer than the grass bellow. They were both leaning on their hands to their sides and Butters saw how Eric blushed a lot with a timid smile as he felt the other's chunky fingers softly caressing his hand. Butters returned him the smile and did the same. It was a faint and chaste touch but it spoke volumes of how much things had changed in their relationship.

Even knowing not to push with certain themes, Butters still needed some confirmation about some things. He had been aching so long about all this and he felt deserving of at least a little something more "So… Are we… Well, a 'we'?" The blond asked softly.

"You mean like dating? A couple?" Eric replied and Butters nodded. The brunet looked to the front for a moment, seemingly lost in thought until he looked back at Butters and gave him a shy smile "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

"What? No planting a knee in the ground and giving me a ring?" Butters chuckled.

Eric rolled his eyes and pouted a bit "That comes later dumbass. Besides you can't expect me to have a ring for you when until last night I thought you hated my guts"

"Sounds fair" Butters nodded and then smiled wide "You are thinking of doing that later then?"

"Just answer the fucking question please!" Eric whined clearly annoyed but his voice didn't have the anger it could have carried before.

Butters chuckled and nodded again "Yes Eric. Of course I want. I've wanted to be your boyfriend for so long…"

Eric smiled wide too and bit his lower lip, clearly brimming with excitement. The he rolled his eyes and shook his head "Fucking smartass though…" The brunet chuckled and looked again to Butters "Sounds nice. We being boyfriends… Sounds right"

"Because it is right. It's beautiful" Butters sighed dreamily looking at Eric "Like you" Eric snorted but blushed hard. The blond then looked down and pursed his lips "Do you… Want other people to know? Like, be open about this?"

Eric looked down and sighed while shrugging "I mean, if you need to…"

"What I need is for both of us to feel good about anything we do together Eric" Butters caressed the larger boy's arm "If you're not comfortable with telling people yet then we don't have to do it"

The chubby teen bit the inside of his cheek "I mean, this is a whole lot to process still you know? Besides, you're not afraid of people knowing? Your parents knowing?"

"I understand and it's fine, really" Butters squeezed Eric's arm softly and then shrugged "And about people knowing… Well, pretty much everyone has always thought I was gay since we were kids and my parents are kinda scary still sometimes but I don't care about their opinion that much anymore. And what's the worse they could do now? Ground me?"

"Well, at least they won't burn your dick with a cigarette or plunge a stick up your ass I guess" Eric shrugged with a dark tone in his voice.

"Wow Eric! That was really dark!" Butters shivered "What kind of psycho could do that to a kid just for being gay?" The large brunet pursed his lips and looked away slumping his shoulders a bit. Butters then realized something and gasped covering his mouth with a hand, his eyes open wide as plates in shock "Oh my god! Eric! That happened to you?"

Eric moved a bit away from Butters, turning his back to him and starting to shake while nodding. The blond felt tears stinging in his eyes and he wasn't sure if they were more from sadness or rage about something so horrible happening to his boyfriend. Butters hesitantly caressed Eric's back and the larger boy seemed to calm a bit at that "What happened to you Eric? If you don't want to talk about it now I understand but…"

Eric sniffled and turned around again, still not looking at Butters but moving closer until their bodies were pressed together "It's okay. If not now I would have to tell you this some other time, might as well do it already" The brunet cleared his throat a couple times and sighed looking to the ground "Remember that guy my mother dated for a long time when we were in middle school?"

"Yeah… They were even planning to get married right?" Butters nodded still caressing Eric's back.

"He was a douche but mom seemed happy with him and sometimes we would agree on stuff so I thought we could eventually get along you know? Finally have a father…" Eric frowned "Until one day he caught me jacking off to gay porn in my room. At the moment he just frowned at me and told me to stop doing that and to erase all of it from my computer. He didn't tell anything to mom so I thought that had been it. That he would just let it slide" The large boy gritted his teeth then "Until he said he was going to take me to his cabin for a fishing weekend. My mom was more than happy that we could get along and I like an idiot was looking forward to it too" A single tear rolled down Eric's cheek and he dabbed at it furiously "The night when we spent there he came at me after dinner, and beat me up telling me he was not going to have a fucking fag for a son. Then he took off my clothes and tied my hands and feet, saying that if I was a queer abomination then I wouldn't be using my dick so he burned it with his cigar several times and then shoved a broomstick up my ass saying that he would fuck out the gay in me with it" By now Eric's voice had broken and he was shaking again "He left me to agonize for the night and then treated my injuries, threatening to kill me and mom if I ever told anyone about it"

Butters realized he was crying too now and hugged Eric tight, letting the other sob for a while. When Eric seemed to calm down again the blond began to caress his back once more "I can't believe someone can be so… Fucked up… Eric I'm so sorry…" He then sighed and shook his head "So that's what the spots on your penis are? I always thought they were a bit weird but you always said they were birth marks…"

"Well I wasn't born at twelve" Eric scoffed bitterly "Most of the burns disappeared with the years but some will remain there, probably for the rest of my life"

They both went silent for a moment until Butters asked darkly "What happened to that guy? Is he still around?"

"Rolling around would be a better way to say it" Eric scoffed again, this time with a sinister glint in his eyes "His legs and arms became pig food sometime after he did that to me. And his dick and balls were his own meal…"

Butters felt a cold shiver running down his spine. He knew Eric could be dangerous but still things like this creeped him out. That didn't diminished his feelings for the brunet though and he shrugged a bit "At least he can't hurt anyone else anymore"

Eric frowned and shook his head "Yeah, but as sweet as it was hearing him scream for mercy, his fucking words and the pain and fear he inflicted on me well… You've seen how that messed me up. Every time I thought about feeling something for you, every time you asked me to tell you that I liked being with you, being with a guy… All I could see and hear and feel was him burning me and hurting me and telling me I was an abomination that shouldn't been born"

"I'm… I'm really sorry…" Butters whimpered "I didn't know…"

Eric turned around and frowned a bit, sighing and hugging Butters tightly "Of course you didn't know. I never tell anything to anyone… You're not to blame Butters. You've been nothing but good to me"

"I want to help you" Butters sniffled and looked up to Eric "I want to help you heal and deal with all this and whatever else that might happen"

"You've already done a lot" Eric sighed and smiled a bit to the blond "Even if it was by forcing me to deal with all this and my feelings and who I am…" He chuckled a bit "But even before you were the only one around when I was a wreck and you showered me with affection and care and love… And pleasure too of course…" Eric tightened his embrace for a moment and then let go of Butters "I owe you so much"

Butters smiled at Eric and shook his head "You don't owe me anything. Life owes us happiness and I think together we can have it, even if we have to take it by force"

"Wow, you're so not the wimpy little flower boy I thought you were" Eric chuckled.

"I like to be nice" Butters shrugged "But if something happens to the people I care about I can be quite… Chaotic…" He snickered a bit "And right now the person I care about the most is you"

"Same here" Eric held Butters' hand softly "We should leave this place, it's getting cold and we have better things to do back home" Butters nodded smiling and they got up, starting their way back to Eric's place. To a weekend that promised to be wonderful. To a future together.

***Disclaimer: I don't own the South Park characters or any of the brand names mentioned in this story. I don't own any of the songs mentioned on the story or used as chapter titles.


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